Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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