I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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