I will die if light touches me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
