The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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