I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Terrible idea I love it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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