12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
