oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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