My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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