I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
