Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
