Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize