My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
And then he peed in my hair
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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