also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
