if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
