just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
