I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
