He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
