My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
