good thing vaginas are great cup holders
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
