she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
