i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
