its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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