isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
