If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've blown a few things in my day
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
