its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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