she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
