Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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