How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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