i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
