Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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