so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
