suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
