i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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