Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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