I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
