then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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