We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In other news, I just burned my penis
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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