all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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