It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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