It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
