I wish I could teleport
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
