Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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