Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
