Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
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i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.