Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.