If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
