Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
