Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
