My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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