Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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