you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
