You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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