Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was confusing and full of hummus
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
