Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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