I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
