Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
