i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
