Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
