if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
birth control should be required to get into college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
