Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
