I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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