She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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