Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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