I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
